18 long months

18 months is a long time to not see one of your loved ones.  But that's exactly how long it has been.  Today marks 18 months since Stephanie's birth.  I had a good cry tonight, a much over due one.  I've felt on edge all day and then it hit me, today is the 16th.  I wish I had more to say but today im just sad.  Overwhelmed by the 7 blessings I have on Earth and missing the one I have in Heaven.   My days are full of feeding and changing babies.  A lot of No's and I don't want to's from a toddler.  A school aged child who is constantly causing trouble and not enough Mommy to go around.   Please know, I'm not complaining really.  I'm just in an overwhelming season.   God is getting me through daily.  Im so glad He fills the gaps of the areas where I fail (which are many).  Each one of my children are here because God allowed them to be and I am grateful! 

Recently a friend posted about it being the anniversary of his Dad's passing.   He was rejoicing that his dad is with the Lord and though he misses him, he does not wish him back.  This was my comment to his post... If I had been enlightened as to what was going to happen with Stephanie,  and was given the choice to allow it or stop it, I would have stopped it with all that I have in me.  Not knowing the reason God chose this of course.  However,  even if given the choice once it had happened,  I too would not wish her back.  I wouldn't take Heaven from her even if I could.  I do wish the rest of us there though.  Not in a morbid way, but in a longing for home sort of way.