Some of you may know the ladybug is symbolic of Stephanie. This came to be the night before her Memorial Service. I was preparing things for it and a ladybug flew into my head and then landed on my leg. Earlier that day Jon and I were talking about what our "symbol" might be and he said that it has to just come to you, you can't just pick it. That very night we accepted the ladybug as our reminder of Stephanie. Tonight another ladybug landed on me and crawled all over my shirt. I cried. I miss my baby girl so much! Tomorrow is the 4 week "anniversary". In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday that we lost her, in other ways it seems like I've been mourning her forever. I took the girls to Kmart tonight and heard the song "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey playing as we walked into the store. Thought of her then, of course. Anticipating that sweet day that I will see her again.
By the time most of you see this I will have gotten a tattoo in memory of Stephanie. Some of you will think it was not a wise choice, some of you will love it and many won't care one way or the other. I've thought about it, prayed about it, sought counsel from 2 members of the Pastoral staff at our church, which incidentally gave completely differing opinions on the subject and provided scripture to back up their viewpoint. Ultimately, I am at peace with doing it. I want people to see it and ask about it and I want to talk about her. I want to talk about her until the day I see her again. I want to share her story and what God is doing in our lives. I do not want her to be forgotten. Obviously I won't forget about her and most of my family won't either but after the shock wears off, many of our friends and acquaintances aren't going to be thinking about her.
I've really found comfort in songs this week. Some of them I just heard for the first time; others I just heard it with a different heart and could relate to it now, like never before.
Mercy Me- Bring the Rain
Mercy Me- The Hurt and the Healer
Kari Jobe- Steady My Heart
Laura Story- Blessings
Mandisa- Stronger
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