♥ I am grateful for who I've become since "losing" Stephanie (for the record, I know she is not lost, I know right where she is) It is a path I never would have chosen but one I'm grateful for none-the-less. There's a poem that circulates among the bereaved parents community called "The Ugly Pair of Shoes"http://www.ivillage.com/forums/node/4161067
Though "My Shoes" still ache from time to time, I no longer see them as ugly. Because of this, I feel different than my fellow bereaved mommy's. I wonder if I may be less helpful too them because they may not be able to relate. Or will it be inspiring, to see that God can heal a broken heart faster than anticipated. Perhaps I no longer see "Ugly Shoes" because God makes ALL things beautiful in His time. His time for you may be longer or shorter than it was for me.
I do really well most days, sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me because in my mind I think, no normal person can move past the deep grieving as quickly as I did. However, I have to remind myself that is a LIE from Satan himself. God graciously granted that healing. It didn't come from anything I did or didn't do. But there are moments triggered by songs quotes, pictures and smells that just take me down. As hard as it can be, I welcome it because they are a reminder that I am indeed human. Those tears and pain help me feel the bond we still have. A bond that not even death can break. Grief tends to be judged. Some feel you grieve too long. Some see you happy and think, "Wow! She got over that fast." I post many things on Facebook about grief. Most of the time it is not a reflection of my emotions at the time. I have many Facebook friends each of them going through a variety of different trials at any given time. I am very sensitive to that. I empathize with so many. One of my spiritual gifts is that I'm an encourager.
I hope I've made it clear that my healing is not of my own doing. I give all that Glory to God. It is by His grace alone that I am who I am. I've recently heard the song "Beautiful" by Dan Bremnes. I think it describes my healing so well. I love the following lines to the song...
"And You
Changed me from what I used to be
Opened my eyes
Now I can see
You're making this life so beautiful
And You
Making me who I'm called to be
Rescued my heart
Now I am free
You're making this life so beautiful
So beautiful"
