It's hard to believe that 6 years have passed since we had to say hello and goodbye to Stephanie. So much has changed. We are keeping her birthday low key and just having what we would think she would want..pizza and cake and ice cream (last hurrah before mommy tries to get healthy again). The last few years have been strange. They've come and gone with few tears if that. This year, the only tears that have been shed so far, were because a jewelry store said they cannot restore a piece of (Stephanie) jewelry that is very special to me. I was hoping that it could be dipped in something, but sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case.
My grief has really changed over time. I do feel a sense of "blahs", my patience is thin and I am a little easier to drive crazy, but that isn't usually a far trip to begin with. 😜
So, I don't really know what to expect going forward. Will there be some years that a wave will come in and pull me back into a short period of sadness around her birthday? Or are we truly past all of that? I guess it's best to not expect anything in particular and just remember Truth, like I did in the beginning. And not to allow my feelings to steer my ship. Not to indulge in grief just because I "should" and not feel guilty if I'm just not feeling particularly sad.
I did my usual FB posts this year because that's what I've done, but it suddenly feels excessive and unnecessary. Perhaps next year will be more subtle. I do so appreciate the acknowledgement of Stephanie by so many of you. Regardless of my outward expressions of grief, or lack there of, it will always mean the world to me that people remember Stephanie on her birthday or otherwise.
So as today comes to a close, there may or may not be tears. And either way is ok. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Stephanie will never be forgotten and will always be celebrated in our home on July 16.
