Just recently, I have found myself even more involved in the online bereaved parents community, and I began to feel a little jealous of some of the things some other parents have accomplished in the name of their children often just weeks or months after their child has passed (some even before). Please, let me explain. It's not that I begrudge your accomplishments or think my story is more worthy of telling. I am truly amazed by you. You have turned your tragedy into triumph. You inspire me to do more.It's funny, I never considered myself a prideful person, but God keeps revealing to me that I am. It looks different than the way I typically see a prideful person. God will use our most vulnerable moments to reveal some of out biggest sin issues. While I'm in awe of how God has used our experience to reach many and given me a voice on Facebook especially, I can't help but wonder what He could accomplish if I got out of the way. If I set aside my wants and desires to use our experience and just let Him guide me. I am always eager to talk about Stephanie and how God has healed our broken hearts beyond what we could have imagined. But I only want pursue that if He wants me to.
As a mom to 7 living children, I have a lot on my plate and so that limits me on pursuing some of my wants and desires at this time. This is not a bad thing. I love being Mommy to the blessings God has allowed me the privilege of raising. My training as a Stillbirthday Birth and Bereavement Doula will still be "good" when I no longer have to worry about finding childcare to go help in a moments notice. For now, I will be content in being involved in our support group and helping to encourage online. I will be praying for opportunities for God to use our story to bless others and trusting that he will work out all of the tiny details to make the things He wants to happen possible.
I've been mulling this over for a few days and the phrase "Bloom where you're planted" filled my mind. This happened in a very similar way to when I heard "Be still and know that I am God." I can't say for certain God spoke to me, but I strongly suspect it. A friend of mine also posted this reminder on her Facebook page yesterday. I didn't see it until today thanks to Facebook's algorithms, haha. It was quite timely though, and was what prompted me to write this post.
So with that said, perhaps you are feeling like you are limited in how you can help your child's legacy to live on. Perhaps you've been experiencing a little jealousy yourself. I just want to encourage you to bloom where you are planted. Perhaps the people God wants to use you to minister to are in your own homes, neighborhoods, churches, mommy groups or even on Facebook. That is where you are currently planted. God may choose to transplant you to another garden at a later date. Pray for opportunities, wait on the Lord to open doors and be willing to follow Him through those doors in His time.
