I could tell you all about how hard
this has been but doing so would not be honoring God or my daughter.
Instead, I am choosing to share the things for which I am grateful,
even in the midst of this storm.
I am grateful for the 38 weeks I got to
carry Stephanie. I am grateful that God chose ME to be her mommy. I
am the ONLY one who got to experience her fully while she was alive.
I am grateful for the bed rest that I
was on because it allowed me to be still and really relish in her
movements.
I am grateful for the frequent fetal
monitoring that allowed me to listen to Stephanie's precious heart
beating for many minutes each time.
I am grateful for my Doctor and the
nurse assigned to me in the hospital who handled the situation with
such compassion.
I am grateful that I did not require a
C-Section. Though the process of delivering Stephanie was long and
painful, the recovery is so much shorter. I was also able to
participate in the sweet time we had as a family with Stephanie's
shell, rather than being flat on my back recovering from a spinal.
I am grateful for the company “Now I
Lay Me Down to Sleep” for providing a service which allowed us to
capture this difficult but special memory in pictures. This service
is free of charge which is why we have suggested them for donations
rather than receiving flowers.
I am grateful for the Sovereignty of
God. To paraphrase Psalm 139:16 All the days planned for me were
written in your book before I was even one day old. What you have
done is wonderful, I know this very well. I wholeheartedly believe
that July 15th, was Stephanie's day to die. It wouldn't
have mattered if she was born a week or even a day sooner. We still
would have lost her that day, it would have just been under different
circumstances.
I am grateful for those in my life who
have paved the way of this difficult path we are on. Though I am sad
to know that they have had to endure this kind of pain, they have
helped walk me through this. I hope that God will use me in the
future to help someone else as they walk this difficult road.
I am grateful that Stephanie will never
feel pain. Pain as small as getting pinched by her sister to the
pain as great as losing a child. From what I understand her death
was not painful. It was quick and she just fell asleep.
I am grateful for the love and prayers
and support from our family, friends and church body. They are truly
what is sustaining us. God is carrying us through.
I am grateful that though I have
ignored God calling me. God did not stop pursuing me. I don't mean
to suggest that even for a second that this is some kind of
punishment for my complacency. God doesn't work that way. I am just
grateful that he didn't give up on me.
If just one of you comes to faith in
Christ through the death of our Stephanie, it will make it worth it.
Only Christ can save you, but to know that her story was somehow part
of rescuing just one more soul, would bless us beyond words.
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